Once I Rode A Hovercraft

My parents, the sly travelers they were, decided the family should experience something totally unique the first time we were in Europe, to make the trip even more memorable. Their prayers were answered when the opportunity to take a hovercraft ride presented itself.

We boarded in Calais, France for a two hour ride to Dover, England, and took our seats next to European business people and other tourists... perhaps they were also in it for the novelty.

The aircraft looked like an airplane cabin on top of a deflated inner tube when we boarded, when the tube had finally inflated and we took off over the tarmac, I have to admit, I warmed up to the idea and got a little geeked about it. The water sprayed the windows as we hovered over and crashed into the waves. The bob of the cabin made me think of all the rollercoasters I had dreamed of riding if my family were the type to vacation at Cedar Point or Six Flags.

About 20 minutes into the ride we hit some bad weather. There isn't much you can do in a hovercraft to manage rough seas and I'm fairly sure there's only one speed a hovercraft travels in; 'medium fast' doesn't allow much opportunity to maneuver around 12 ft waves, just crash into them and brace yourself as you're rocked in your seat.

The cabin now teetered up and down uncontrollably. People started to look a little green in the face. The 'stewardesses' handed out Dramamine and waste bags in almost eerie premonition.

It didn't take more than 5 minutes for the first of them to lose it. By the end of the hour the majority of the 100+ passengers in the cabin were involuntarily reenacting scenes from a Monty Python movie. A distinguished looking Swiss gentleman sitting across from me carefully removed his Rolex and set it on his tray table, loosened his tie and unbuttoned his collar, opened his barf bag, noiselessly settled his stomach, neatly folded the bag, and returned it to the stewardess. A neighbor threw up on my pant leg and I started crying. The bags ran out and the line to the bathroom was 15 deep.When the debacle was over and we landed in Dover, we all stumbled out of the plane single file. I was sure of it then and haven't reconsidered: I'm through with hovercrafts and family adventures.

If only I had remembered that when I was in Mexico and went cliff diving…